I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
