What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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