I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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