if i can run in heels then i can drive
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
