"it" just moved
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
