I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
