May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just high enough for therapy.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
