Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
