around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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