all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
