I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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