I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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