I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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