just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
