I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
