I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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