dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
