College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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