I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
