Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
