I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
