All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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