He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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