Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
