Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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