Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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