am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
