its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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