if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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