Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
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She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.