So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this