what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.