First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
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I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..