she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"