She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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