I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
