When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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