she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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