Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
