she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
