You made me cry and you don't even care
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
