one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
