oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
