Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
