we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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