Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
