I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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