someone threw a dead crab at me
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
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you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
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Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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