So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
