Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
