i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
