How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
