Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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