Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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