I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
