please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
