how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
