So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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