Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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