she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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