I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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