My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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