I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
