you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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