I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we're chasing vodka with high fives
smell my finger.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
