wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My bed smells like the plague
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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