Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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