Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
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just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
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I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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