In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
