i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
