i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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