I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
