In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize