I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
