He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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