why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
