Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
