I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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