Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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