k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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