this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
