the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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