I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
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How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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