Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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